I'd Just Like To Be Honest, Here

These days, so much of my life consists on staying silent about things. I have to hide this bit about me from that person in order to keep the peace, keep my job, keep a friend, keep myself from upsetting people. This is not the way I like to do things. However, with the tour looming on the horizon and college a hop, skip, and a jump away from that, I feel it unnecessary and silly to burn bridges now. There are lots of people I'd like to sever ties from, or tell the whole truth to, but in the interest of kindness and fairness, I've decided not to do anything permanent and simply... slip away. It's kinder that way, I think. Of course, I will gladly give clear answers to those who ask for them, but I find that most people don't want to know anyway. This leads to me holding my tongue quite a bit.

I am not good at this.

Sometimes, I feel bitter urges bubble up in my chest, telling me to tell off a "friend" and bring out the inner bitch I want to give way to. I suppress these as best I can. It does me no good to add toxicity to an already poisonous relationship. Because, you see, the people with whom I so desperately want to sever ties are people that are bad for me: people that make me doubt myself, trample my self-esteem, disrespect me, ignore me, judge me, reject me, annoy me, and generally make life harder. Since I shouldn't (and never would) just go out and give these people a hard punch in the face, I need better ways of handling people.

I also need suggestions. What do you do when you have to deal with people you dislike? What do you do when you're dying to say something, but know you should hold your tongue? What do you do when you're silently building up resentment against someone who really has no idea, and wouldn't understand why? What do you do when you feel the switch in a relationship switch from caring and supportive to draining and harmful? What are your thoughts?