Sunday, May 29, 2011

A poem, for you

If you are out there, if you are
listening for my whisper, then
cup your hand behind your ear
and let in the reverberations of
my words of love and forgiveness,
calm enclosure of our congress.

Please know I love you and that
I would have gone on loving you-
even when my eyes turned pitted
and opaque, even when my mouth
grew sour and pursed, even when
my hair sprouted gossamer and grey,
even when my feet walked sideways
and unsure, even when my heart
fractured into breadcrumbs... even
when my heart left a trail of itself
away from you, know I loved you
until I remembered that I also
love myself and my eyes and my
mouth and my hair and my feet
and especially my beating heart.

You witnessed my weeping eyes
bleed themselves raw, my gaping
mouth suckling for bones, my silken
tresses leaking luster, my aching feet
petitioning you for rest, my wildly
galloping heart straining out of my
chest and out of my body and into
your hands, your spindly delighting
fingers, and you limply let it slither
through your spindly, slipping grip
with the most obscene carelessness.

All I am is a wandering, blind cripple,
but I have breadcrumbs at the foot of
my pitiful body to guide me to each piece
of myself; and sure as the Prodigal, so
humbled and whole, the strength
of my stride and the sheen of my hair
and the set of my mouth and the spark
in my eyes and the stoutness of my heart
will emerge emblazoned with battle, the
passion of lifelust revived in me.

Monday, October 18, 2010


All my pieces bend out of shape and
I am left with my own contradiction.

I am learning to enjoy being alone.

Stitch my mouth with nylon string

and dangle promises in front of my

nose. There is no more sweetness in

a drop of honey and the words from
your tongue leave me sanguine and
panting. I have no place to lay my
cuneiform curls and nonsense is my
only language. Confounded by chant
I will beat my breast and flagellate
my faith and existence on a marble
altar. Depress the organ's pedals and
wheeze antique Hallelujah's from the
souls of the departed. Stained glass
depictions of purity first filled my eyes
with color and gave me the lenses
with which to see a prism of beauty.
Gregorian lugubriousness splits the
blue horizons outside my window and
the sailboats take themselves out to sea.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Decline and Fall

Dear -,
I am a coward and I freely
admit it. I wish I could tell
you the things set in motion
by a conversation you probably
don't even remember. I can
pinpoint the hour I lost all
respect for you. I can tell you
the words, the thoughts, the
realizations that hit me in an
instant. And I can bet you
probably missed it. I wish I
could tell you the hidden feelings
the veiled anguish, the deep distrust.
I wish I could tell you how I kept
quiet. I wish I could have told
you when the burgeoning thoughts
hadn't left my lips. I wish I could
tell you how beautiful it is to
be free, and how much you have
helped me realize my worth.
I wish that what we had could
have been real. I am slowly
but surely removing your poison.

Let the past lay dormant.
Let this be my piece.
Let you be happy.

No bitterness, no regret
We are new people.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I am a stranger in a white tiled room
there is a bed and a chair and a shelf
And a brain, mottled and bruised, grooved
but still and filled with formaldehyde, where
resistance is cushioned, leather straps
leave no survivors but the deluded while
Nurse Ratched runs her slaughterhouse
and raises headless, blind chickens
with their meat full of pesticides
And me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

"I just want noodles, fucking raining from the sky"

I feel the need to update, though how I can make myself translate my first few weeks in college to words is beyond me. I've crossed numerous (and often nefarious) items off of my bucket list and have fallen into a wonderful, beautiful coexistence with my girlfriend and ever-expanding group of indescribable friends. In allowing myself to be exactly as I am, I am building a creative posse that could satisfy any ridiculous school tenet. I am realizing the definition of true friendship and companionship, and have reached a level of camaraderie I never knew existed. No pretension, no trying, no settling- I am appreciated and truly appreciate everyone around me. I don't have to bite my tongue, I don't have to hold back, I don't have to keep quiet, and I don't have to succumb to my sense of obligation. I don't have to justify, I don't have to care, I don't have to pretend I agreed, and I don't have to subject myself to selfishness and triviality. I don't have to put up with it anymore.

I am intensely thankful. I've left my old life behind, and I have no intention of looking back.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I speak in sighs and I cannot remember my name
You grab my feet and my balloon strings are severed
I won't decide for myself but allow me to be grounded

Friday, September 24, 2010


I will pluck the rasp from my speech
and the lies from my mouth
and enjoy the sweetness of strawberries again.

I will slough my cocoon, a caterpillar
waking from a restful sleep
and create gales with my flapping wings.

I will be the sky if you will join me
and if you will be my earth
and we will embark on our paths together.