Monday, October 18, 2010


All my pieces bend out of shape and
I am left with my own contradiction.

I am learning to enjoy being alone.

Stitch my mouth with nylon string

and dangle promises in front of my

nose. There is no more sweetness in

a drop of honey and the words from
your tongue leave me sanguine and
panting. I have no place to lay my
cuneiform curls and nonsense is my
only language. Confounded by chant
I will beat my breast and flagellate
my faith and existence on a marble
altar. Depress the organ's pedals and
wheeze antique Hallelujah's from the
souls of the departed. Stained glass
depictions of purity first filled my eyes
with color and gave me the lenses
with which to see a prism of beauty.
Gregorian lugubriousness splits the
blue horizons outside my window and
the sailboats take themselves out to sea.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Decline and Fall

Dear -,
I am a coward and I freely
admit it. I wish I could tell
you the things set in motion
by a conversation you probably
don't even remember. I can
pinpoint the hour I lost all
respect for you. I can tell you
the words, the thoughts, the
realizations that hit me in an
instant. And I can bet you
probably missed it. I wish I
could tell you the hidden feelings
the veiled anguish, the deep distrust.
I wish I could tell you how I kept
quiet. I wish I could have told
you when the burgeoning thoughts
hadn't left my lips. I wish I could
tell you how beautiful it is to
be free, and how much you have
helped me realize my worth.
I wish that what we had could
have been real. I am slowly
but surely removing your poison.

Let the past lay dormant.
Let this be my piece.
Let you be happy.

No bitterness, no regret
We are new people.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I am a stranger in a white tiled room
there is a bed and a chair and a shelf
And a brain, mottled and bruised, grooved
but still and filled with formaldehyde, where
resistance is cushioned, leather straps
leave no survivors but the deluded while
Nurse Ratched runs her slaughterhouse
and raises headless, blind chickens
with their meat full of pesticides
And me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

"I just want noodles, fucking raining from the sky"

I feel the need to update, though how I can make myself translate my first few weeks in college to words is beyond me. I've crossed numerous (and often nefarious) items off of my bucket list and have fallen into a wonderful, beautiful coexistence with my girlfriend and ever-expanding group of indescribable friends. In allowing myself to be exactly as I am, I am building a creative posse that could satisfy any ridiculous school tenet. I am realizing the definition of true friendship and companionship, and have reached a level of camaraderie I never knew existed. No pretension, no trying, no settling- I am appreciated and truly appreciate everyone around me. I don't have to bite my tongue, I don't have to hold back, I don't have to keep quiet, and I don't have to succumb to my sense of obligation. I don't have to justify, I don't have to care, I don't have to pretend I agreed, and I don't have to subject myself to selfishness and triviality. I don't have to put up with it anymore.

I am intensely thankful. I've left my old life behind, and I have no intention of looking back.