Friday, June 4, 2010

An unexpected afternoon

I can hear the tweeting birds and rushing leaves and signs of life, life outside my window. The world is warm and like a womb, encloses you in softness and comfort. But my work remains inside, my thoughts remain contained by painted purple fingers clacking heavily on the keys. The world outside the window calls my name, and I click ignore. My brother sits beside me, coffee cup is evidence of early morning actions. A sip, a sigh, we slip into quiet contentment. He in his white Mac world of Web and I in my black PC, we surf the same waves but rarely meet. The world beyond our fingertips is that large, that we can both be submerged in the same maze of movies and entertainment, social networking, business workings, funny links and freaky kinks; this world is a large one to hold such dichotomy. He calls my attention to his fishing line to online. "Look, I think I can make a sign." He's a handyman, helluva guy who works with his hands in the hot sun. He calls out jargon that makes no sense to me, where I am in my world. "Marmoleum: natural linoleum."

Crickets.

But still, I like that we sit comfortably and converse with each other and offer our thoughts. "Marmoleum is a floor you can walk on without your feet getting cold." It might as well be in Mandarin, but at least he's talking to me.

Pause, interruption, a sign of destruction of plans. I try my damnedest to offer a meager solution, knocked cold by the absolute impossibility of flexibility.

Ah, well, I won't let this ruin my morning of poetry and slam beats and inspiration and enjoyment. I have much, much work to get done and I've been organizing for hours and I'm taking a break, and I deserve a break? But I can't take a two-hour break if I want to make my date. And I do want to make my date because I only have a week left, a week left to spend with the man who makes my spine tingle. And I do not apologize for that, especially when he was 3 long hours away while we were merely minutes. I love you, and will always, but I need you to realize that I matter too. And this is something I need to do because I do love you and I need to be healthy to love you.

Break time is over, have to get back to my work and my packing and getting my life sorted into cardboard boxes of finality. There is much to do in preparation for my life and I am clearing my mind of my worries and working as diligently as I can.

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